0.6 lbs

Is how much I've lost in a week and a half. Although I won't complain considering I am basically on bed rest as my physiotherapist doesn't want me doing anything that required the use of my foot (I have tendonitis and bursitis in my right ankle). Also will not complain considering the junk I ate this week. I must be doing something good though. Here is my analysis.

Cookies = very bad

Lots of fruit = good

Ice cream = bad

Tons of water = very good

Too many carbs = bad

Too much take out = bad
Bed rest = not good

Actually doing core exercises = awesomely making me sore!

I guess the lesson here is lots of fruit and water will negate everything else!!! Just kidding. Honestly, I don't know what I did right, but either way, I need to be more careful in the next 2 weeks if I want a good weight in.

On a side note. I made cushions and a bunting for our deck last weekend. See photos.... they make me smile and happy, and want to spend more time outside! (more photos)

So... what makes you happy, what puts a smile on your face?

Milkshake

I just made a milkshake, with one small banada, 1 cup of strawberries, a few handfuls of blueberries, a little bit of milk, a lot of ice, and just enough ice to say it got that ice cream taste (about a half cup)... so pretty and colorful, so yummy, I should have taken a picture but didn't think of it soon enough, so now, you just get to hear about how good it was, and good for you too with only a little bit of ice cream but that felt like cups of it.

YUMMY!

(P.S. Actually, it gave me enough for one 2 cup portion tonight, and to fill up a travel mug (about 1 1/2 cups) for tomorrow, so I might get off my butt and take a picture then!)

12 km

That's how far I've biked today! 6km to go to the pool, and 6km back. I am proud that I got that much activity in today. We just bought bikes last week and were glad to get to try them out this weekend as today's weather was perfect.

On the flip side though, don't tell my physiotherapist since I found out yesterday that the heel pain I've been having since November is not just a bursitis, it's a touch of tendonitis too. I've been ordered to not do any activities at all for the next 3 weeks, to even avoid walking as much as I can. So after today. No moving for me, as ordered.

Also, for people not to think me super woman, I must disclose that my son was in a trailer on my husbands bike on the way there, and mine on the way back, and with all the hills, I thought I was going to die as my lungs hurt and I was queazy by the time I got home. I definitely need to build up biking more slowly! but not for at least 3 weeks are yelling my iced heel and knee)

Have a wonderful, beautiful weekend!

It's not a lot...

But it's something.

You might notice that I have only lost 1 lb in almost 1 1/2 months. I can assure you it is not the program's fault. It's my fault. I have been negligent in watching what I eat. Although I have been making mostly healthier choices, they don't quite make up for the bad ones I make. However, this weekend, while eating a poutine, I was kind of glad that the greasiness of the fries made me a little queaze. To me, that's a good sign, it's my body saying 'You haven't been eating fried foods lately, good job! Now, STAY AWAY!'.

I actually lost 1 lb in the last two weeks. In total, I lost more for the month and a half, but I did have a gain two weeks ago. Stress, being really emotional, doing a course of hormone treatments and this humidity and heat have not been on my side. The next couple of weeks should be less eventful (no birthdays = no cake! no emotional roller coaster = no eating my emotions!)

On the activity side of things, the doctor now gave me four ab and back exercises. It's not much, but at least it's somewhere to start again. And, this weekend, we bought bicycles! I haven't gone on one in years! I bought a comfortable seat so that I'll be more prone to want to use it (For the men out there, yes, bicycle seats hurt woman bits too!). I still have to adjust it and all, as we didn't get to on the weekend because my parents were here, but I can't wait to get to use it on the weekend! ( I know lots of !!! today)

On another positive note, today, I actually feel sexy. I haven't felt that way in quite a while, and even when I felt sexy more, it wasn't often. I bought this smoking dress earlier this week! I wore it today and even though I was afraid it would be a little too revealing for work, I got tons of compliments on it. Yay! (P.S. That's not me in the picture, that's the model from the store's website.)

Anyway, my son wants me to go play with Thomas, Percy and James with him, so.....

Choo! Choo! Choose your food wisely this week, and see you soon!

Calm

Last week was all drama wasn't it! This week went better, I started controlling what I eat a bit better again as the drama wreaked havoc on my eating.

I decided to only weight in every two weeks now as going to the clinic is quite out of the way and I don't need to know how much I weight every week and be told the same thing over and over again. I think that concentrating on what I eat and on getting moving is the important part. We've gone for walks and swimming every Sunday for the last three weeks. I don't think we'll be going this week, but it's been quite nice to get out of the house and do some family activities on the weekend after all of the rushing from the week.

Right now, my house looks like a tornado went through it, I think that there isn't one area that is clean, yuck! My whole life still seems to be all over the place too. With the house, it's an easy fix, just take it one step at a time, with me, not so easy. I just bought a book on meditation that I hope will help calm down my anxiety and stress and am working on a cleanup plan for the house so that I don't add that to the things to stress about. But some things, like my kitchen need to be cleaned pronto so it's time to go clean up!

Is there anything in your life that is in dire need of a spring cleaning?

I am sad, I am thoughtful, I am grateful.

** warning, this is a very emotional post that has nothing to do with weightloss**

This post isn't about weightloss, it's about some things that have happened in my life recently and that I need to process, but that I can't voice to anyone at this moment. Right now I can't sleep, and I can't stop crying. I can't talk to my husband about it, he's not a woman, has no siblings, and would just think I am being over emotional.

As some people (whomever it is that may read this blog) may know, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year with no results. Even though I already have a terrific child who will turn 4 soon, I would love to give him a sibling, the beauty of having someone who will always be there even though he may love them some days, and hate them on some others.

In March, I found out that my sister, who isn't finished college yet and who had just announced her engagement, was pregnant  (although I can assure the engagement isn't because of the pregnancy). As much as I wanted to be happy for her, I just kept feeling that it was so unfair, since I felt that she so isn't ready for a child (and who ever is?). I felt like a horrible person for feeling that way but just coudln't help it. Just as I was starting to get a hold of these feelings, I get a phone call...

My sister had a miscarriage on Monday. Since then, I feel like my world has been upside down. I have just been feeling like crying all the time. I feel such sadness for her as I know that when you get pregnant (and even before), you start dreaming up a whole wonderful world for your child, and I know that even though she may have them again, that she might feel as though she has just lost everything. My sister lives far away, and even though we're not close, I wish I could be there just to hold her as I know words are just never enough in this situation.

At this moment, I feel sad, and have to admit I can barely see my screen as I am writing this. I feel sad for my sister, for her fiance. I feel sad because of everything they have lost and all of the rebuilding she will have to do.

I feel sad, because I know that too often, in my own life, my wonderful son gets pushed aside for work and other household duties, or just because I am tired from a long day. Today, he didn't even ask me to play with him, and that makes me feel sad. And tonight, when I told him I loved him bigger than the whole world, and in his little voice he told me 'me too', I felt sad for what my sister is missing, but will hopefully someday know. I felt sad that I always wish for more, I felt sad that my son doesn't always get all the love and attention he deserves, but it made me happy that I have a healthy and beautiful child.

What happened makes me realise how lucky I am to have him, and reminds me to just be grateful to have him. This makes all the things I want so small compared to everything that is at stake, every day.

From now on, I hope that I can just remember to give my son all the time that I can in the short hours we get to spend together between work and bedtime. That he needs me, that life is fragile, and that I can't just take him for granted because he is truly a gift, and not just an accident. I hope that I will live to be very old just to remind him that he makes the sky bluer and the sun brighter.

As mother's day looms, I want to thank my mom for having the courage to love us, for putting on a brave face even when she may have felt that her world was falling apart, to thank her for giving her all no matter how difficult we made life sometimes, to thank her for all that she gave of herself in a task that is way more demanding than she could ever have imagined. I want to thank her for her time, for her love, for her sadness, for her pride, for her intelligence, for her silliness, for her imagination and her clear resolve in making us better individuals. I want to thank her for being there when we needed her and for gracefully taking a step back when we thought we didn't. I want to remind her that I love her for all of that, and for so much more.

Now, in an anticlimatic statement, I want to say that I am finished rambling and that it is time for bed. Goodnight, dream big dreams, love even bigger.

Another Try

I have been away from this for way to long. I had stopped following weight watchers when after I got to 211 pounds (from 221) as I got stuck at that weight. After months of procrastination, and under advisement of my doctor, I started seeing Doctor Douglas Bishop, who has a weight loss clinic here in Ottawa. I've been on this low carb diet for almost four weeks and although it's though sometimes (as I married an Italian, carb king), overall it's going really well. I've already lost 5.5 pounds and am not having any cravings or finding myself needing to binge. I love it!