Hair - why doesn't it ever cooperate?!

Hair, why are you so mean? I take a shower and you stick to my hands like I'm shedding, my hair is already thin, it doesn't need to be thinner! You are so cruel, you fall off my head but keep growing everywhere I don't want you to. Now I know we have leg hair and armpit hair, and that I have to accept that, but come on, I don't want hairs on my chiny chin chin. Nor do I want a mini mustache. Since DS came along, you've been popping up more and more. I know I'm getting older, but must it really mean getting hairrier too?

So body, listen up, more hair on the head please, and only on the scalp part of the head, everywhere else, go away!